007: license to thrill (see what i did there?)

i've always been of the belief that one's life doesn't really start until one has seen their first james bond movie. for me, the awakening, if you will, occurred around age 13, and it's safe to say i've never looked back. the 007 films make up my very most favorite franchise of all time, and yes, that includes 'star wars' and 'indiana jones.'

i'm a ridiculous 007 fan, and am totally okay with being so far removed from normalcy in this area it actually strains credulity. i not only own all the movies but also know the intricacies of each plot line. i can name all the villains, sing all the theme songs and, despite being born over 20 years into the series, offer substantiated opinions on how pop culture throughout the franchise's history has affected the stories.

now, i've probably done a fairly convincing job of portraying myself as a complete nutter, so, why the sudden peak in excitement over britain's most lethal weapon? me and a buddy of mine sectioned off two days this weekend to watch our way through the entire series. it's sort of a last 'hoorah' before we both go into our finals-induced hibernation periods, and it's going to be great. we figured it takes almost two full days to watch through all 22 movies, so we've stocked up on red bull and hot pockets, and we're ready to go.

probably the best thing about bond movies is there are so many great things in them. we have theme songs. we have gadgets. we have bond girls. we have villains, bad-guy organizations, villain sidekicks and super-secret lairs. we have q, m, miss moneypenny and felix leiter. we have bond himself. every single movie has all these elements, except for maybe the hiccup (*cough* disaster *cough*) that was 'on her majesty's secret service.' i could go on for days about all of that, but in my opinion the best part about these movies are the puns and beyond-cheesy innuendo.

it happens more with the brosnan movies, and those are spectacular, but it's almost more satisfying when timothy dalton cracks a smile once in a blue moon. some of the best material comes from the outrageous nature of the bond girl names, some of it shines through when q takes bond through his gadget arsenal. i love bad puns with all my heart, and bond has produced the best of the best over the years.

watching bond movies really gives one an appreciation for the ridiculous pun. it also gives one an appreciation of over-the-top action sequences. i can't conceive of a surface, automobile or location bond hasn't used in some sort of brawl. then again, the impossible display of epic badassery is one of the cornerstones upon which 007 is built.

the cool thing about watching all 22 in such a short time is that we can sit and compare performances. to me, sean connery is the true bond, even though i grew up with pierce brosnan's movies. i might even like brosnan's movies better, but connery made the role what it is, that is until 'diamonds are forever,' which might as well be called 'sean connery should've quit while he was ahead.' actually, the producers observed (astutely) that connery looked too old in 'diamonds are forever,' so they hired roger moore for a younger-looking bond. interestingly enough, roger moore is actually three years older than sean connery.

there's timothy dalton, the super-serious, out-of-place-in-the-80s bond who no one really liked. poor thing's only kind of cool sequence was when he went sliding down a hill atop a cello case, shooting bad guys as he went. daniel craig took a little getting used to, mostly because he's grittier than brosnan and doesn't speak entirely in fantastically bad puns. he's since convinced me, however, that despite his moneypenny-free existence he has a lot to offer. abs, for instance.

so, here's to blofeld and number two, pussy galore and tiffany case, fight scenes underwater and on the moon, uncovering conspiracies and foiling plans of world domination, smooth tuxedos and vodka martinis. shaken, not stirred.