memorization: the convenient intellectual crutch

i'm not a science person. in fact, i've done just about everything in my power to avoid science like the plague because in my objective, highly refined opinion, science is stupid. all throughout high school, i trudged my way through science classes. the only thing that saved me from complete and utter failure was my ability to memorize almost any information and regurgitate it with remarkable precision.

part of what makes the memorizing thing work is putting things into song form. most of the ridiculous songs i came up with to remember all that scientific gibberish were just memorable enough to get me through whatever quiz or exam i had, but not so memorable that i could actually recall it at the end of the semester for finals. that being said, i can recite all the elements in the periodic table because of a song, but not one that i made up. it's because of NCIS.

there was this episode i really loved that happened to contain a song listing all the elements. abby cracked the encrypted hard drive of the victim and found out that the last thing emailed to him was the element song, where tom lehrer sings all the elements in the periodic table within a span of about a minute and a half. it's great.

i watched the episode a zillion times because i loved the plot where one of the witnesses turns out to be one of gibbs' ex-wives, but i also cracked up every time the song came on. eventually, i started to catch on to the song. then, of course, i downloaded it and listened to it because it's awesome. it's been years since i've actually had to know anything about the elements, and the irony of me learning this song years too late isn't at all lost on me, but now i know every element, no periodic table required.

there's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium
and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
and iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium
and lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium
and gold, protactinium and indium and gallium
and iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

there's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium
and boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium
and strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
and bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium and barium.

there's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium
and phosphorous and francium and fluorine and terbium
and manganese and mercury, molybdinum, magnesium,
dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium
and lead, praseodymium, and platinum, plutonium,
paladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,
and tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium,
and cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.

there's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium
and also mendelevium, einsteinium and nobelium
and argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium
and chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper,
tungsten, tin and sodium.

these are the only ones of which the news has come to harvard,
and there may be many others but they haven't been discovered.

yeah, it's pretty useless information for an advertising major whose lack of ability in the science department has astounded instructors for years. it's a little unsettling to think what things i could be learning and retaining if my head weren't full of information like a list of the periodic table of the elements. it goes to show how a) songs actually do help with memorization and b) even someone like me can sound impressive if they watch enough tv. thank you, NCIS.